Bad News...Good News

Bad news first...yesterday I had to put down my dog of 12 years.  I got Hagen when he was just 3 months old.  He was sort of an anti-dog...never played fetch, didn't like to chew bones.  Just a happy puppy.  He was so easy to train and in his later years, I never worried about him running off or jumping up on people.  His favorite thing to do these last few months was to lay out on the driveway and watch the world go by.  Oh, sure, he had his quirks...he sure didn't like kids..even my own.  No one but me was allowed to touch anywhere near his rear end and he loved to shred toilet paper.  :)  

He was with me through so many moments...we moved to and from Texas, in and out of my mom's house, in and out of three other homes, I got married, had kids...he was always there, always by my side.  He listened when I cried about crappy moments in my life, he laid in bed with me at night, and he loved going for rides in the car.  

He was mine, and I loved him so much.

As the move to Saudi drew closer, I knew I had to find another home for him.  I really didn't want him to go to a family I didn't know, and then lose all contact with him.  I posted on Facebook begging people to help me find him a home to live out the rest of his days.  I sent emails to all my family and my husband's family.  No luck.  I was getting panicked.  What was I going to do??

Then, one sleepless night, I understood there was only one option.  See, Hagen was blind.  Sure, he got along well in our home because he'd been familiar with it for the past 2 years.  But, there were times he would trip and fall over things on the floor, or walk into walls or doors.  A couple of times he fell down the stairs.  And I started thinking...what is he going to do in a totally unfamiliar home with totally unfamiliar people??  Hagen already had a habit of not eating when I would leave or go out of town.  What would happen when I left and never came back.  He would feel abandoned and probably die of a broken heart.

And so, I knew that it would be pure torture to do that to my dog...just because I wanted to selfishly keep him around.  I had always wanted to be there with him in the end...

This was the hardest decision I have ever had to make...I cried the whole day...wracking, gut wrenching, sick to your stomach.  

It happened so fast...one minute he was breathing, then next I was holding his body in my arms.  I stayed awhile.  Petting him, talking to him, kissing his nose...but I knew his spirit had left.  I knew my dog was now free...he could see again, his teeth no longer pained him, he had a ton of energy.  Not that any of this made me feel any better...my heart still aches.  I look for him around the house...listening for his collar to jingle...now, I'll just have to focus on the memories...they were really good ones.

I'm going to miss my buddy. 

Okay, so now, as I dry my eyes once more...I'd like to share GOOD news!  :)  Matt called today to say that he got his iqama!!!  That means that our family visa paperwork has been filed!  We're hoping it will be only about 6 more weeks till we can be together again.  So, I'm focusing on that now.  Trying to finish packing the house up and well, just moving on.  Everything happens for a reason, I truly believe that...and I feel in my heart (down to my soul) that everything that has happened so far...is good. 

Me and my buddy.  forever in my heart.