Saudi Life: Guest Post #2 "Avoiding Abaya Meltdowns"

New guest post...
I must say, I remember when I had to buy my first abaya!  I was terrified that the arms were too short or the length would be too short and I get in major trouble.  Wasn't even sure if it could have color at all!  But, well, we've moved on from there...this is a great story about life in the abaya...for the expat that is...

"One very important article of clothing for any female over 11 is the abaya.  I found out the hard way that is is very important to put some thought into acquiring this garment before it is put into use.

My husband purchased a beautiful abaya for me prior to my arrival in KSA.  While I found no fault with the visual appearance of this garment, it was seriously lacking some practical aspects.

First of all, it had snaps, not gripper snaps but little sew-on snaps down the front of the garment.  I discovered that any time I moved those darn snaps were popping open.  Here I am trying to get out of an SUV to go shopping at the Dana Mall and I am compromising my modesty by unwanted snap popping all down the length of my abaya.  My shopping companions wanted to know if I was OK, I told them no, I was suffering from an "abaya meltdown".

To avoid abaya meltdowns it is important to remember a few things when purchasing an abaya.  First of all, make sure that any fasteners are adequate.  Gripper snaps are good, zippers are better, and there are some models that just pull over your head.  No meltdown is possible with that model! Next, make sure that whatever you get is going to be comfortable when worn over your regular clothes.  While most of us don't want to look like we are wearing a Hefty trash bag, you need enough room to be able to move comfortably.  Finally, I found I needed to think ahead about what I was wearing underneath my abaya to make sure moving could be accomplished with a minimum of binding.  Cotton fabrics were less desirable than jersey simply because the jersey clothing items didn't catch under the abaya.

Some ladies have multiple abayas that they use for different events that they go to.  One of my friends has a "dive abaya" that she wears when she goes scuba diving.  She isn't crazy about the fabric, but it is sturdy and it has zippers in the front and in pockets.

Another of my friends simply wears her abaya as a "dress" when the weather is stiflingly hot (and it often is).  I would just make sure the fabric is sufficiently opaque  as to not create a scene anywhere.  I have often contemplated wearing my bathing suit under my abaya but never found an appropriate occasion.  Most of the time during the summer when I had to wear it I would wear a light, sleeveless jersey top and a jersey or chiffon skirt underneath.

Hope this is helpful!  If you live in the Arabian homes you can ask Azam, the bus driver, to take you to "Lady Street" (not the real name!!!!)on Sunday or Tuesday to go abaya shopping.  Many of my friends have more than one and some are really quite beautiful.  Just remember, trying it on can be an issue although my friends and I have gotten shopkeepers to model some for us if we figured he was the appropriate size! "

traditional Saudi abaya's (photo from The Economist)

abaya's found in a shop...lots of variety!  (photo from Susie of Arabia)

Saudi Life: Guest Post #1 "Things I have learned in Saudi"

So, before I start posting about my trip to Budapest, I wanted to get this new addition to my blog started.  
This blog has really helped people who are moving to Saudi and particularly Yanbu.  But, I realized that all the information is coming just from me.  From my perspective.  I've decided to start adding Guest Posts.  I've asked fellow expats to send me stories about living here.  Good or bad.  We aren't going to sugarcoat anything.  We want those people with enough guts to even consider moving here to truly know what is in store.  I find that it will help those families, men, women, etc. to be able to transition better.  
Therefore, I'm happy to post my first Guest Post.  This is a friend of mine who lives in one of the compounds.  She's got some great info on here and I thank her for taking the time to write this up!  

  "I've been meaning to do this for awhile now.  Staci inspired me to write about some of my experiences here (good & bad).  So here's my list.

1.  Have a LOT of patience. Things do happen here, but at a much slower pace than expected.

2.  Everything is imported except for oil, sand and camels.
3.  Diving & snorkeling in the Red Sea is THE best kept secret  – there are world class

reefs here.

4.  Boredom is taken to a whole new level, you have to find ways to occupy your time or you will go crazy.

5.  Translation of the word “inshallah” – means it is Allah’s will.  What it really means to an expat – not likely to happen!

6.  Driving rules of the road are merely suggestive.
7.  Shopping is it’s own adventure.  You are always searching for a particular item, but instead find some familiar treasures and stock up, as you don’t know when you will ever see those items again (think Costco syndrome).

8.  Picture the most ugliest tackiest clothes you can imagine. They are here in Saudi.
9.  Accept the fact that there is no pork or alcohol here.
10.  Stupidity is universal.
11.  Most conversations between expats will involve them talking about their next trip out of kingdom.

12.  Blond people stand out in a crowd.
13.  I have eaten so much chicken here I am ready to start clucking & sprouting feathers (refer to #9).

14.  The sunsets & sunrises here have the most beautiful colors.
15.  Fish watching should be a sport (see #4).
16.  The most important items you own here are your passport and your laptop.
17.  It is a very bad day when your Internet and air conditioning both quit working.
18.  There is nothing like fresh pita bread & hummus.
19.  Few expats know only one language (sadly I am that 1%).
20. Doritos in Saudi taste like……..Doritos.
21. Your schedule revolves around when the next prayer time is, or you will be locked out of whatever store or restaurant you are at.

22.  Thursday & Friday are considered the weekends here. That means Saturday is the new Monday and Friday is the new Sunday.

23.  Everyone owns at least one carpet. 
24.  The locals start wearing winter hats & mitts in October….I’m still wearing my shorts in January (Hey, I’m from Canada – don’t judge me).

25.  You know how many time zones there are between here and your family back home.
26.  Saudis are nocturnal ‘cause it’s usually too hot in the daytime.  That’s why they sleep in the afternoon and are up most of the night. 

27.  Jewelry, shoes & abayas can be tried on easily in stores. Other clothing items? Not so much.

28.  Ramadan. Enough said.
29.  Everyone here understands Facebook, YouTube, Amazon & Apple.
30.  It is a unique adventure that is hard to explain unless you live here.

Feel free to comment or ask questions, we'll be happy to respond back to you! 

Friday in Ikea in Saudi...

A couple of weeks ago we went to Jeddah just to hit up the Ikea there.  It was a Friday...we left that morning and got ourselves to the underground parking at about 4:15pm.  Since it's Friday (holy day), Ikea won't ope until 5pm.  We had a problem with the car that caused it to overheat and spit radiator fluid all over the ground.  (that got us some looks)  Matt headed off to find an auto parts place and left me waiting with the girls for the doors to open.  
Let's just say, I'm never going back to Ikea on a Friday again.  It was chaos.  Pure chaos.  There were so many people...at one point I lost Lily in a sea of black...and about 5 mini heart attacks till I saw a figure draped in black holding her hand and walking her over to me.  How did she know she belonged to me?...yeah, we were one of a handful of families that were westerners.  (that should have been my first clue)  I was near tears when Matt finally showed up.  It was insane trying to get through the store and actually get what you needed.  Top that off with the fact that we were all starving...and the damn restaurant was closed.  It took Matt over a half hour to run downstairs and get 4 little wraps.  In the end, we managed to get what we came for and after a 30 minute wait to check out, we were back on the road. 

everyone waiting patiently to get into Ikea...

My First Saudi Dinner Party...

I'm lucky to have some very well connected friends here in Saudi.  A couple of weeks ago, my same friend who took me to the Saudi Grad Party invited me to join her for dinner at a local Saudi home.  (one of the girls she teaches at the college asked her over.)
My friend has been to this home before and she had told me that I wouldn't believe my eyes.
Now, I had been sick for about a week and I really didn't want to go, I just wanted to crawl in bed.  (and I almost did just that)  And, boy, would I have kicked myself for missing out on this night.
Her husband picked me up along with another friend of ours and drove us to the house.  This was at 7pm at night.  We pulled up to this building with white walls reaching at least 12ft high surrounding the whole property.  We walked up to a massive gate and waited for someone to let us in.  When the gates opened, my jaw hit the floor.  Let me correct that...my jaw hit the marble floor.  Marble tiles covered the entire courtyard...a courtyard large enough to hold two American football fields.  Now, here's the kicker...we were on the women's side.  Yes, just the women's side.  Through another massive gate I could see another courtyard...full of cars (naturally there would be no cars on the women's side)...that was the entrance to the men's house.
The only photo I got up the nerve to ask to take was when we were outside after dinner (around 11:30pm)...so, I'm sorry for the crappy quality, but I didn't want to push proper etiquette and bust out my massive DSL camera.  Anyway, this is a shot of the women's home.  Remember the only time women and men live together is if they are married or it's with immediate family (brothers, fathers, sons).  Something else, no?  (you can see the men's house tucked behind on the right)

 click on the photo to see it larger

So, we enter the front door and I have to keep my jaw from hitting the floor...again.  I could fit nearly my whole house in the foyer.  There are two massive chandeliers that were at least 4 feet across...each.  To the right (which we didn't get to see) we were told there was a large ballroom.  Straight ahead is a massive stairway that split off left and right at the top.  To the left was a large square room (the small lounge) where we went to sit and visit.  The room was decked out from top to bottom.  Complete with a sparkling chandelier in the middle.  The colors were done in spring green, pinks and gold.  There were 12 throne chairs (you know, with the high side arms) painted with gold trim and three couches (painted the same) large enough to hold at least three people. 
I asked about the house itself and was told. "there are 17 bedrooms and 25 bathrooms.  Each girl has a separate 'room' for their clothes (I'm guessing a closet...but one that is probably bigger than my master bedroom) Each house (men and women) has two dining rooms, two lounges (one large, one huge), and two kitchens."  So, you know, just a modest home.  The girls seemed a bit embarrassed when they mentioned that their friends call the house a palace...well, um, yeah, it is.   
Let me give you a little info on the family...The lady of the house has ten children. (her husband has passed on)  She has three sons and seven daughters.  All the daughters live in the home.  The wife of one of her son's also lives there.  She is the one who invited us.  
There we are in the room with the daughter-in-law (from here on referred to as DIL) and then the lady of the house comes to join us.  Saudi women greet each other by giving a kiss on one side of the cheek and then 5 to 6 pecks on the other cheek.  (yes, they do this every time they see each other...every time.)  
The lady of the house doesn't speak English so DIL was busy translating back and forth.  We were offered a variety of juice to drink.  (tip number one...you don't turn down anything)  After visiting for a bit, one of the daughters joins us.  We all stand...kisses all around...sit and continue chatting.  A little time later, another daughter comes.  Same routine.  (by now I'm already having a hell of a time trying to remember their names)  
Next, they bring out Arabic coffee (coffee made with cardamom...so different and so good) that is served in very small cups (similar to espresso) and dates.  
Another daughter arrives...up we go, kisses, etc.  After about two hours, all the daughters have arrived (along with a close friend and a couple of cousins)  They are having a grand time with me and laughing as I try to recall all their names.  One of the daughters has excelled in college and is trying to get a teaching job.  The oldest is a teacher in a small village that takes her an hour and a half...one way...to get to work each day.  They pick at one of their younger sisters who isn't as good in school and is majoring in, what we would call in the States, "home economics."  Her sisters find that funny.  The DIL has two sons but she just graduated college as well and is hoping to get a job too.  DIL's husband is a lawyer who attended Harvard in the States (and aced his classes).  They lived in Boston for four years and she told us how much she loved living there.    
During all our talking, they have brought out tea to drink as well as chocolates and dates.  It's nearing 10:30pm...about time to eat dinner.
We are ushered into the dining room where we find a table set for sixteen. (there are over 20 women present, but some chose to stay in the lounge)  There are twelve platters of food lined up down the table (enough to feed my family for weeks).  We all sit and then one of the daughters picks up my plate and begins to pile food on top.  She doesn't ask what I like, if I'm allergic to anything...just fills my plate and happily puts in back in front of me.  I'm sitting right next to the lady of the house who gives me a look like, "what are you waiting for?  eat!"  I have no idea if they ordered the food or if they cooked it, but either way it was really good.  I was so full, but kept eating to be polite.  The lady of the house made sure that I tucked in to my dessert as well (I wouldn't need to eat for a week.)
After dinner, everyone went to wash up.  Right near the dining table is an area with a beautiful sink and mirror.  You wash your hands, then on a table nearby they have a variety of scented oils, perfumes, and lotions.  You pick one, and rub it onto your hands and/or arms.  That was a new one for me!
Next, we went back into the lounge and more coffee was brought out.  We sat and talked for a bit and then some of the ladies wanted to go for a walk outside.  We asked to join them and followed the group out the front door where we just started to walk around the courtyard.  They showed us the other buildings that are built into the corners along the wall where they hold parties. (if they aren't using the ballroom in the house)  Large circular rooms perfect for dancing!  (they said that the next visit we would hang out in one of those rooms)  The girls were so excited to show us the different trees, herbs, and flowers they have growing in the yard.  They also have a large pool...but it's empty.  With little kids around, they worry about someone falling in.  So, instead of keeping it full, they just fill it whenever they want to swim and drain it after.  (of course, most of the girls don't know how to swim anyway...so it doesn't get much use)
We sat outside on the outdoor chairs and they showed us youtube videos of typical Arabic dancing and even a video showing the wedding of one of the princesses.  Pretty cool.  I really think they enjoyed sharing their culture with us.  
One thing is for sure, these girls oozed class.  They were beyond polite, always made sure we had drinks or snacks or whatever.  Not to mention, they were all beautiful...each with long black hair...the shortest was to her shoulders, the longest was past her derriere.  The tallest was about an inch shorter than me...so glad I didn't wear heels!  
It was a truly unforgettable experience...I'm so glad I was asked to go..and that I didn't crap out and stay home in bed!  Hoping to be able to go back soon and maybe I'll get up the nerve to ask to take a few shots of the inside of the house (making sure no one is in the pictures of course!)
And there you go...my first Saudi dinner party...what a way to get your expectations up!  lol

Saudi Grad Party

I was lucky enough to get invited to a local Saudi girls' college grad party.  My friend is a teacher at the college here and she asked me to be her guest.  I was stoked...not everyone gets invited to Saudi get togethers.

Now, in case you're not up to par yet on Saudi parties...let me fill you in a bit:

Men and women do not mix.  Period.  Even at wedding receptions.  Women have their party and men have theirs.  No man will ever see these ladies uncovered...aside from their immediate family (fathers, brothers, sons, husbands)  You are also not allowed to take any photos of the ladies (unless you have permission and usually you don't.)  You'll see them taking photos of each other, but, well, they are all Saudi...me, not so much.    

Parties are a big deal here (you know, cause there is just so much to do) and most of the time they go all out.
  
I walked in to the room of the party and saw beautiful decorations.  Her theme was Tiffany's and she even had a three tired cake styled like Tiffany's boxes.  Pretty lights hung from the ceiling and light drapery along the walls.  But the highlight was seeing the ladies.

Now, these women walk around all day covered head to toe in flowing black cloth...perhaps, you'll glimpse their eyes.  So, when they have the chance to shed the black...well, they want to look their best...even if it is just for other women.  These girls had on a variety of fancy dresses of all different styles.  The 80's fashion scene seemed a pretty popular choice, including the haircuts.  I was told that high heels are something a bit new here (at least in Yanbu) and the girls did look a little wobbly on 3 and 4 inch platforms!  Hair and makeup were done to perfection.  (and consistently throughout the night hair and makeup were checked for said perfection.) 
A bonus of spending the majority of your life covered is that you end up with the most beautiful skin.  Most of the ladies had skin many women will shell out big bucks to achieve..and even then, they can't get close to the Saudi ladies.  (so, yeah, I was totally envious)


The invitation said to arrive around 9pm.  We thought we were late....getting there nearer to 9:30.  At 11pm ladies were still trickling in to the party.  There were chocolates on the table, some sweet-fruity drinks, and Arabian coffee.  The best part was watching the girls dancing.  (okay, yes, I got up too..but just for one song...dancing...not my thing)  It's nothing like you would see in the States.  Nothing like it...at...all.  I think the style of dancing seen in most clubs in the States would be considered extremely lewd here (and possibly banned).  These girls dance with a beautiful grace (okay, not all of them were perfect dancers, but the majority certainly were) It's similar to belly dancing, but softer...hips moving, little dips, arms and hands moving along with their bodies...all to Arabic music.  It was really fun to watch.  They did play a couple of American dance songs, but the rest were Middle Eastern.  At one point, the graduate left and came back making a grand entrance wearing her college robes and took pictures with friends and danced a few songs...proud of her accomplishment in school.


Later, a few of the girls had to leave early.  I know you shouldn't stare, but I couldn't help but watch as these girls (whom I just sat and watched dance and talk with friends) put the black back on.  
There they were in fancy dresses with hair and makeup done so pretty...and then...they were gone.  All I saw before me were eyes peering out under a mass of billowy black fabric.  So surreal.  


Around 12:30am I was pretty pooped.  (yeah, I know...old fart and all)  However, they hadn't even brought out the food yet!  Saudi's could hang in Vegas with no problem at all (of course, they never would, but that's not the point) There was a nice buffet of food laid out and I know that after dinner, there would be more dancing.  Parties usually go into the wee hours of the morning.  Maybe I'll stick around the next time.  ;)


They told me it was okay to snap a few pix of the decorations...just had my iPhone, but they turned out okay.  :)

Lingerie...Women to work in stores in Saudi

The times...they are a changin'...and, well, this is a pretty big deal.   And I think it's pretty neat that I'm here to witness this.  I did think it was just weird that only men could work in the lingerie stores and sell such intimate pieces of clothing to women whom they weren't even allowed to view their faces!  (I certainly was not planning on buying anything here...I'd planned on getting some the next time I was in Europe or Dubai)
It will be interesting to see how this is taken throughout Saudi...it's an awfully big step for women here.  Hoping it will all work out for the best.

photo from Associated Press

Saudi Arabia to Enforce Law Allowing Only Women to Sell Lingerie

Published January 02, 2012

| Associated Press

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia –  Saudi Arabia said Monday it will begin enforcing a law that allows only females to work in women's lingerie and apparel stores, despite disapproval from the country's top cleric.

The 2006 law banning men from working in female apparel and cosmetic stores has never been put into effect, partly because of view of hard-liners in the religious establishment, who oppose the whole idea of women working where men and women congregate together, like malls.

Saudi women -- tired of having to deal with men when buying undergarments -- have boycotted lingerie stores to pressure them to employ women. The government's decision to enforce the law requiring that goes into effect Thursday.

The country is home to Islam's holiest site in the city of Mecca and follows an ultra-conservative form of the religion known as Wahhabism.

The kingdom's religious police, under the control of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, enforce Saudi Arabia's strict interpretation of Islam, which prohibits unrelated men and women from mingling. Women and men in Saudi Arabia remain highly segregated and are restricted in how they are allowed to mix in public.

The separation of men and women is not absolute. Women in Saudi Arabia hold high-level teaching positions in universities and work as engineers, doctors, nurses and a range of other posts.

The strict application of Islamic law forced an untenable situation in which women, often accompanied by uncomfortable male relatives, have to buy their intimate apparel from men behind the counter.

Over the past several weeks, some women have already begun working in the stores. Although the decision affects thousands of men who will lose their sales jobs, the Labor Ministry says that over 28,000 women, many of them South Asian migrants, have already applied for the jobs.

Saudi's Arabia's most senior cleric, Sheik Abdul-Aziz Al Sheikh, spoke out against the Labor Ministry's decision in a recent sermon, saying it contradicts Islamic law.

"The employment of women in stores that sell female apparel and a woman standing face to face with a man selling to him without modesty or shame can lead to wrongdoing, of which the burden of this will fall on the owners of the stores," he said, urging store owners to fear God and not compromise on taboo matters.

My Abaya and Me...

Well...it's been long overdue.  Everyone has been asking to see a pic of me wearing my abaya.  Honestly, I kept forgetting about it.  It's kinda weird, I've only been here a little over a week and yet wearing the abaya is really no big thing at all.
It's just one of those things where you know it has to be done and you just don't give it a second thought.  I must admit, it's not much different than wearing one of my long maxi dresses.  (aside from the long sleeves of course)  But, its comfortable and for now, the weather is cool enough that I'm not miserable.  The nice thing, too, is that since I'm not a Saudi woman, I get a little more freedom with what my abaya can look like.  It has to be predominately black, but it can have some color here and there.  (unlike Saudi women who wear ALL black)  So, that makes it a little more fun.  :)  I have two so far and I'm waiting on two more...gotta have choices right?  ;)  
All in all, it's just one of those things you just take with a grain of salt over here.  And...you know you're getting into the abaya thing when you start noticing and committing on other ladies pretty abaya's!  ;)  

My lovely daughter Sara took this photo of me this morning.  :)
(this is just inside our front gate)

Ladies in Black

I think one of THE most fascinating aspects of Saudi are the Ladies in Black.  (as I will refer to them from now on)  As a westerner, seeing women dressed like this is a very rare occasion.  I think it is both a mixture of awe, fascination, and suspicion all rolled into one.  Your mind sees them and wonders "Wow.  How can they be comfortable?  Do they HAVE to dress that way?  What do they look like underneath?"

I realize that some people in non-Muslim countries don't really understand the reason behind this and think that it is perhaps disgraceful or wrong.  Personally, I think it's just one of those things that makes this culture unique.  Just as other cultures have their own styles as well.  There are African tribes who wear the Dashiki or they may wear no clothing at all...using just paint.  The German's have their Lederhosen.  The Scottish men have kilts.  Japanese have kimono's...and so on.  
So, my position was not to judge or question the Ladies in Black.  Just to accept that that is the lifestyle of this country and to be respectful of their choices.


My big question was...Where and how did this all start?  Is this regulated by the Kingdom or by the religion itself?  Time to do some research...and here is what I found out: (the following are quotes taken from various websites regarding the abaya)

Read more »